Operation Infiltrate and Retrieve
by Mirage DeDreamer
Summary: (Chapter 2 is now up!) All I'll say is the villain of this fic is Mrs. Bitters. This is my first IZ fic so please review.
1. The Beginning/ Mrs. Bitters's Revenge

Operation: Infiltrate and Retrieve, Part 1: Mrs

Operation: Infiltrate and Retrieve, Part 1: Mrs. Bitters's Revenge

Authors Note: This is my first Zim fic so I'd like to ask for a certain amount of mercy when you read (and hopefully review) it. It's one of those wrote-it-around-1a.m. fics, that's kinda weird but funny. Or so I hope. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim and I most likely never will, I do however own the plot (I'm not sure if it's ever been used before or not so you can argue with that if you want). 

Mrs. Bitters left Skool with a cynical sense of accomplishment. It had been a very good day. She had given a surprise test on Physics and most of the class had failed. The fact that they were still on Space Exploration in science was just a technicality. The fact remained that it would have been a perfect day if not for two of her freakish little students, who had decided to pass with flying colors just to annoy her (she was certain that was there purpose). So when she saw the two little brats still on Skool grounds, playing with contraptions that were obviously electronic, and sense electronics of all kind were banned from Skool she decided to exact a little revenge.

~*~

Dib had been up all night perfecting his latest masterpiece. He had developed a ray gun (usually ray guns were to cliché for him but in this case he had made an exception) that would paralyze Zim and leave him vulnerable to capture. Which is just what he'd do! He'd get his picture on the front of all the science magazines, and interviews on TV, maybe even a movie! Proving once and for all that he wasn't just an obsessive lunatic, he was an obsessive lunatic who was always right! Now to find Zim….

~*~

Zim had been up all night working on his latest brilliant invention. He had developed a ray gun that would aid him in capturing that pesky human stink beast Dib. Then he would turn Dib over to the Tallest to be questioned for valuable information about earth's defenses. He would finally prove his perfection to the Tallest! Maybe they'd even hold a parade in his honor, just a small one, with only a little tickertape and about a thousand or so screaming fans… Now to find 

Dib!

~*~

"DIB!"

"ZIM!"

Totally consumed in their search the two rivals had bumped into each other. They recovered instantly, taking out their ray guns.

"Prepare to meet your doom human stink beast," hissed Zim.

"I wouldn't be so sure ZIM, the autopsy table is waiting," replied Dib calmly.

They matched each other glare for glare. Each one moving his finger toward the trigger of his weapon. When suddenly to icy cold, claw-like, hands grabbed each of them by their shirt collars.

"Hello boys," hissed Mrs. Bitters. Zim and Dib were to surprised to do anything but stare. "Electronics of all kinds are banned from Skool," she snapped, grabbing the ray guns and stuffing them into her bag. Turning to walk away she smiled to herself, she loved confiscating the beloved toys of her freakish little students.

"B-but you can't do that!" protested Zim breaking out of his stupor.

"It's after hours!" added Dib.

"What's your point," snarled Mrs. Bitters, turning on them suddenly with a venomous look on her face. Alien and human were cowed instantly. Cowering back a little Mrs. Bitters turned to leave, feeling quite content. She was satisfied that her revenge was complete, well maybe not so complete that she shouldn't issue another pop-quiz tomorrow, perhaps they'd find cell reproduction a little more challenging. 

Mrs. Bitters's good mood was somewhat spoiled when she passed Gaz. The girl was making her way towards her stunned brother, pocket GameSlave in tow. The girl glared up at Mrs. Bitters, daring her to say a word about the GameSlave. Mrs. Bitters recoiled and hurriedly continued on her way, forced to content herself with the knowledge that in a few years Gaz Membrane would be in her clutches. All she had to do was put off retirement….

~*~

"What's with you?" Gaz asked without looking up from her game, counting on the sound of her voice to bring the two boys out of their daze.

"Come on!" Yelled Dib snapping into action. He grabbed Gaz's arm, causing her to make a wrong move and sending the little space ship on the GameSlave screen to its doom.

"You'll pay for that," hissed Gaz. Had Dib been paying attention he probably would have found the look Gaz gave him a cause for alarm, but he was already to intent on coming up with a plan to pay any attention to her. He had to get that ray gun back; his future as a scientific revolutionary depended on it!

~*~

Zim came out of his daze to see Dib dragging Gaz down the sidewalk in the direction of his house. His quickly summoned GIR and started off towards his own home. Already his "lightening quick" mind was thinking up a plan of action. He had to get the ray gun; his future as an invader depended on it!

Author's Note: Please review, I have an idea for part two but I'm waiting to see if part one goes over well. If you think the title is stupid then give me a suggestion as to what to change it to because I had no clue what to call this fic so I chose the first thing that came to mind. 


	2. A Complex Plan/ The Ugly Side of Cooking

Author's Note: Part 2 was going to be longer but I kind of go stuck as for ideas so I decided to post this part

Author's Note: Part 2 was going to be longer but I kind of go stuck as for ideas so I decided to post this part. I hope you find it entertaining.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, I never will own Invader Zim. Blah blah rant rant, go read the fic. Oh yeah, and I don't own Earl Gray tea or Mt. Misery (which is a real mountain though Mrs. Bitters doesn't live on).

Dib paced back and forth across his room. He would get that ray gun back, he just didn't know how yet. It would have been easy if she had just put in her desk at skool, but no, she had taken it with her. Why couldn't life be simple?

"Dib!" 

The sound of his dad yelling out his name for no apparent reason made him jump. "What?" He yelled back, more than a little annoyed at the interruption.

"Come down and eat dinner," Professor Membrane yelled in response. Dib was confused, his dad had never cared about him eat dinner before.

"I already ate." He was lying through his teeth, but what could he say, he didn't have time for this. 

"Then come and sit at the table," came the response. Dib groaned, his dad had to pick tonight of all nights to be parental. But since Dib had no other excuse readily available, and no ideas on how to get his ray gun back so to speak of, he decided he might as well humor his dad.

In the kitchen Professor Membrane beamed at his kids. Dib and Gaz just stared at him. "This family needs to start spending more time together," said Professor Membrane launching into a prepared speech. "I spend so much time working that I worry that you kids aren't getting enough attention." The Professor was getting teary eyed at this point, which was more than a little disturbing. But not as disturbing as when he suddenly bent down and embraced them. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"He's been working with the toxic fumes and radiation again," said Gaz struggling.

"Now Dad," said Dib managing to free himself. "We know how important your work is but you really need to be more careful around the untested chemicals, sometimes the fumes make you a little loopy."

"A little loopy," muttered Gaz, still struggling but unable to free herself from her father's bone crushing hug.

Professor Membrane continued to crush the life out of Gaz for a few moments longer before releasing her and instructing them to sit down at the table. Then beaming he went over and pulled something out of the oven. Gaz and Dib looked at each other and then went to sit down as Professor Membrane plopped something in a casserole dish on the table. "I call it Membrane Surprise," he announced motioning for them to help themselves.

Dib took a large spoon and plopped a glop of it onto his plate. It jiggled and made an odd hissing noise before apparently settling down. He examined it. The stuff was a dark brown, and judging by the crumbs covering it toast had been one of the main ingredients. Dib had thought, no he had hoped, he would never have to eat something that was both jiggly and crunchy. And when it hissed again, this time without him touching it, he decided that he valued his internal organs too much to lose them at such a young age.

"You know Dad, I really am full. Had I known you were going to cook dinner tonight I wouldn't have eaten anything," Dib grinned as innocently as he could and hoped that no one had heard his stomach just growl.

"Coward," muttered Gaz, wishing she had thought of that excuse first. She took an experimental bite or her glop; it wiggled in her mouth like it had some sort of mind of its own. Quickly spitting it out she stared at the soggy glob cautiously.

"That's all right, just think of it as desert," said Professor Membrane cheerfully.

"Right," muttered Dib poking at his dinner.

"Let's talk," suggested Professor Membrane, still alarmingly cheerful. In the silence that came after that statement Dib devised a plan. But before he could say anything Gaz decided to speak up.

"Well, I almost have all the stones of power in my new game. And I also have the Copper Ring of Invisibility to go with the Cloak of Semi-Invisibility and the Mask of Blending In, but I can't find the hookshot. Which is really annoying because I need the hookshot to get out of the castle and into the sacred temple, but it's in the Twisty Maze somewhere and I can't seem to find it. Any suggestions?" Again there was silence.

"Um, sorry honey, all I can say is just keep looking," said the Professor blinking.

"Hey Dad," said Dib, grabbing the opportunity. "Mrs. Bitters took my ray gun, could you call her and get it back?" For the second time that night he used his fake innocent smile, he wondered how long he could keep this up.

"Sorry son, but it you want it back you're going to have to call her yourself," replied Professor Membrane sternly. Dib felt cheated.

Gaz took advantage of the distraction cause by Dib and threw her "food", plate and all, out an open window. "Wow Dad, that was great. Can I be excused?" she asked rubbing her belly.

"You must have liked it, considering you ate the plate too," muttered Dib. Gaz shot her brother a truly loathing look but quickly adopted her own innocent smile in attempts to charm her dad. 

"Well don't you want seconds?" asked Professor Membrane.

"No!" yelled Dib and Gaz at the same time.

"I have homework!" Dib supplied quickly. He power walked for the stairs leaving his untouched "food" on the table.

"Me too!" yelled Gaz, ditching all caution and bombing towards the living room and the safety of her GameSlave. She had lost a lot of playing time during this little family togetherness time and she planned to entirely make up for it.

~*~

Back in his bedroom Dib had come up with a new plan. He was searching frantically for his Fone (well, you didn't expect it to be spelt the same did you?) Book. He wasn't going to actually call Mrs. Bitters, she wouldn't listen to him if he did, he was after something else. Finally digging out his Fone Book he flipped through the pages. It wasn't hard to find Mrs. Bitters in the book. She was the only Bitters in town and the number was clearly marked "**Mrs. Bitters**", with no first name and no mention of a Mr. Bitters so to speak of. Shrugging off his puzzlement, Dib dug out a piece of paper and wrote down the address: #1 Twisted Lane, Mt. Misery. Shrugging again at the creepy sounding address Dib stuffed the piece of paper in his pocket and snuck quietly down the stairs. He passed the living room where Gaz was absorbed in her GameSlave and the kitchen where Professor Membrane was washing dishes and singing 'What a Wonderful World'. Dib seriously hoped the effects of the chemical fumes would wear of soon, preferably before that neighbors started complaining. 

Safely out of the house and in the garage Dib started searching for his bike. It was a rusty, unused, vehicle that looked rather unsafe but it was all Dib had. Besides Dib wasn't that picky, as long as the pedals turned and the tired weren't flat he was happy. 

Checking his watch he realized that it was already 8:29. He had lost precious time at dinner. Well, he thought, he would just have to make up for it by getting to Mt. Misery as fast a humanly possible.

~*~

8:57 found Zim half-asleep in his lab. He had been trying to figure out a plan to get his ray gun back but he was coming up with nothing. He was painfully aware that the clock was ticking and that at any moment the hated Mrs. Bitters might decide to take a closer look at his precious invention. If he hadn't bee sleep deprived he might have realized just how unlikely it was that Mrs. Bitters would show any interest at all in a "toy" that she had confiscated from one of her hated little students. Instead Zim's tiny little, sleep deprived, mind kept going over all the horrible possibilities. 

The sound of GIR bouncing down the garbage can at full speed in a green dog costume brought Zim back to reality. He turned around just in time to see his little robot come flying out of the tube and into the wall. This, however, didn't phase GIR a bit. Instead he picked up something and came prancing over to Zim.

Pulling a platter loaded with some sort of glop on it out from behind his back he yelled, "Look master! I made you dinner!"

Zim eyed the brownish glop, that had somehow survived GIR's less than graceful landing, with distaste. It was jiggly and had stuff floating in it, almost like Jell-O only a weird translucent brown color. A bit of the glop dislodged itself from the rest and fell to the floor, and with some alarm, Zim noted that it seemed to pick itself up and slither away.

Zim slowly slid his eyes away from the brownish gook and looked at GIR. "You've been drinking that Earl Gray tea again haven't you," he said calmly.

"Maayybee," replied GIR innocently.

"WELL THEN CUT IT OUT!" yelled Zim, shattering his calm mood. "Or at least start drinking the decaffeinated kind," he added as an afterthought. 

"What's de-caf-in-ated mean?" asked GIR sounding it out carefully.

"Oh never mind," groaned Zim in no mood to explain anything to GIR. "I'm stuck on a problem a that has no answer, I've no time for food."

"Awww, poor Master Zimmy has been up for 48 hours straight again," said GIR sympathetically. 

"I HAVE NOT! It couldn't have been more than 36…. Anyway, as I said I have no time for food now get that glop out of my sight." Said Zim turning back to his computer.

Zim immediately regretted his words. GIR's eyes became teary and the little robot ran away crying. Zim sighed and turned back around to call after his robot.

"Wait GIR! I didn't mean it!" he called after the crying robot. GIR immediately stopped running and turned around sniffling.

"So you don't hate my cooking?" asked the robot blinking his eyes.

"No," sighed Zim.

"Then you'll try it?"

"Yes, yes whatever."

"Yay!" GIR did a little victory dance, which involved a lot of hopping about. When suddenly, if not unsurprisingly, he tripped over his own two feet sending the platter of glop flying in a graceful arc through the air; where it inevitably landed on Zim's head. 

"Get it off!" shrieked Zim, tearing at the glop that had started to eat away at his skin. He ran around blindly until he slipped on the platter, which had fallen to the floor. Ripping the glop away from his skin Zim picked up the platter and immediately started to beat the glop into submission with it. The glop finally flopped down into a puddle, Zim kicked it a couple of times for good measure and then tossed the seemingly unbreakable platter away. The platter hit the floor and shattered into a million pieces.

"GIR, I forbid you to ever use the recipe for that…glop ever again," growled Zim, finally looking away from the defeated mess.

"What recipe?" asked GIR puzzled. Zim stared at him blankly for a moment before deciding that further conversation would be useless and probably painful.

"Clean that mess up GIR, I must get back to figuring out how I'm going to get my brilliant invention back," said Zim turning around and walking back to his computer.

"Oh, someone took your ray gunny thing?"

"It is not a ray gun! It's a highly advanced machine that will shoot energy at Dib, paralyzing him and leaving him vulnerable to capture."

"Yeah, a ray gun."

"Well of course I can't expect you to understand the complex differences between what you call a ray gun and my invention," sniffed Zim a little put out. GIR nodded, his master was so smart.

"Can't you just go get it?" asked GIR. Zim stopped suddenly, his eyes going wide. 

"Of course! That's it! I'll sneak into the disgusting teacher's house and retrieve my ra….er invention!" Zim's eyes glowed dangerously. "GIR, tell the computer to check the Fone Book for Mrs. Bitters's address." 

"Yes Master," said GIR, his eyes suddenly glowing red. 

Zim grinned evilly and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. Soon he would have his own creation back as well as Dib's. Things were going to work out fine.

AN: Sorry that pretty much nothing was accomplished in this part, it'll get better I promise. And Professor Membrane's condition is a necessary development so complaining about me getting him out of character (sides, I thought it was funny, so there). Reviews, flames, feedback of any kind appreciated. 


End file.
